Journalism 2 Class luis jennifer mason robert forrest casey caitlin sarah mason lia alexandra luis natalie

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Reaching out

My life is an open book. I am willing to share my story, my walk through life. I dream about tomorrow, I hope for a better day.

Life is never quite what we plan. We make choices and take sides in hopes of finding the right path. Some variables are far out of our control. Accidents require surgery, medication to help with healing and recovery. All of my scars, the surgeries, the pain, nothing compares to the headaches and the lingering affects of numerous concussions.

Some days I can wake up ready to go, others I wake up in a fog. Groggy from what feels like too much beer from the night before. But this doesn't get better through the day, I can't sleep it off, that only makes it worse. My vitamin D levels are extremely low which also contributes to my lack of energy.

My body is aged beyond my years from playing hard growing up. In the last few years I've made attempts to fix some of the damage. Two shoulder surgeries, two hand surgeries and injections to relieve bulging discs in my neck. If I were in better shape, the recovery would likely be quicker. But my left shoulder is still loose, my right rotator cuff has a small tear, and the pain in my neck and back is often overwhelming.

I struggle with my weight, it bothers me. A part of me hides behind it, maybe it's a wall of defense. If I choose to run, the weight literally flies off, I've done it and it feels great. I have more energy, my confidence grows as I check the scale every morning. But I find myself wishing I had the energy and the drive to get up and run.

I had stomach surgery in 2001 to repair a Hiatal Hernia. My heartburn was so bad, golfing was uncomfortable. I couldn't go anywhere without my purple pills. Two weeks after that, I couldn't see. Sitting at the eye doctor for almost 3 hours, he finally checked my eye pressures. My left eye was at 52! No wonder it was blood red and half closed. I've been on various eye drops since and have had Glaucoma in both eyes for several years.

I could choose to have more surgery, which of course means more medication. For the better part of 3 years I have been on some sort of pain pill. I take enough as it is with my headaches. But I have decided to wake up. Even so, it’s a slow process. Addiction is difficult to overcome, change is a difficult challenge. I’m on an honor system with myself. Life is here and now, who knows what tomorrow holds.

I’ve never asked for a hand out, but a hand up is greatly appreciated. God’s hands are big, strong and gentle. My faith is undying, His love is never ending.

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